Overcoming Dis is my challenge

How precarious is the path?

I can't claim to have been living a truly authentic life as often I will bend to another's will, meandering hither and thither (great phrase huh?) however, this is usually because I do not have a predetermined course in mind.

However, for the last few years I have been walking the verbal path of truth. I have made a determined effort to cheat my ego out of the fear that being open and honest would somehow make me vulnerable to destruction. My progress was steady and I was alive to tell the tale. I may have shocked a few people with my forthrightness and perhaps I made others feel a little uncomfortable, but I was still standing.

Then I slipped up, closed down and was not forthcoming. For a short while I existed, holding a lie close to my chest.

During this time my soul died - or if it isn't dead it is heavily traumatised and sedated. My heart and mind are thrashing about in pain. I have been suffering from internal dis-cord, dis-sonance, dis-comfort and all manner of things Dis. I have, probably for the first time, an experiential knowledge of Dis. Of course I've had these feelings before, but in the past (pre ISA) I didn't know what it was or what was causing it. Lack of truth, falsehood, intentional non-disclosure, deceit, lies, call it what you will. By misleading someone else, I did a disservice to myself and have caused this suffering.

The truth is now out there but I'm not sure how I'll get out of this without guidance from another realm. I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, the tiny flicker that remains inside will be enough to light my way.

Believe me when I say I have learnt a valuable lesson. I intend to keep my path debris-free in future.

Somehow I must find my way home.

Aum x

I'm Awake (& Still In My PJ's)

Aus⋅pi⋅cious?
  /ɔˈspɪʃəs/ [aw-spish-uhs] – adjective
1. promising success; propitious; opportune; favourable
2. favoured by fortune; prosperous; fortunate

Did you notice the date? It's Sunday, Valentine's Day, New Moon in Aquarius, Chinese New Year (of the Tiger) and the birth/rebirth of tens of thousands of souls. Added to this I'm pretty sure I can't go wrong.

The spiritual path is simply the journey of living our lives. Everyone is on a spiritual path; most people just don't know it - Marianne Williamson

Put simply: I can live in truth now, or later.

So in which direction shall I take my first step? I'm a little dizzy and realise I'm getting carried away on the tide of words in the oceans not yet typed. B R E A T H E.

Ah yes! Breath. My lovely BodhiFig tweeted me a meditation late last night. Just a short one to make part of my sadhana or daily practice. I haven't meditated regularly for a few... er several months and I guess today is the day to get back into the habit. So I will. Later.

Now, one pace to the left: Conscious Eating. I studied Natural Nutrition for a while and I know what is good for my body. I like what is good for my body and my body loves it. I just don't . eat . regular . healthy . meals. I am what I believe is commonly known as a comfort eater and yo-yo dieter (that's right, all or nothing - as hinted at in my last post).

As I inch forward I've decided to give up wheat. Not 100% give it up and not for good, but from NOW it is an occasional indulgence rather than my dietary staple. It makes me lazy. I confess I am addicted to bread and the thought of it not being a large part of my life scares me a little. I will experiment with sitting with these feelings. They are not real and they will pass!

Have a great day.
AUM
xxx