Truth, Lies and Mr Darcey

Some days I think a lot, analysing my feelings, over and over, over and over.

And over and over.

There are books out there that will explain exactly why and how what I'm doing is not beneficial. I've probably ready many of them, only to cast aside the half-read literature before moving on to the next must-read read on my Amazon wish list. I'm well versed at reading, choosing to forget to put into practice the well-crafted words, and then metaphorically sticking pins in my eyes when I realise I've fallen asleep AGAIN.

The dream is so vivid and so believable, I'm living it.

For my benefit I'm going to go over the basics again...

I hear something. Or see something. I have a point of view about it. It's not the truth, merely a point of view. Mine. And this is where I forget to take responsibility - it's mine and there is and an overwhelming likelihood that it's not the exact point of reference for any other person alive (da-dah!).

From this position I create a judgement, then pictures and thoughts, building to a story. It's not real. Hear me? It's not real. But my imagination is sometimes so creative, working in technicolour and stringing whole scenes together I begin to believe this costume drama is the truth. It's like believing that Colin Firth really is Mr Darcy... and suddenly I have turned into a Bridget Jones neurotic.

If feelings are just a chemical/electrical reaction in response to thoughts then they're easily manipulated and there is never any reason to think/feel anything other than happy. Duh!

Sometimes, however, life just gets in the way. Some days I feel sad.

Aum x

It's written in the Numbers

This morning at 10:10 10/10/10 I closed my eyes and made a wish. I trust that my wish is being fulfilled even as I type. I can feel it.

Everyone will benefit.

Love love love ♥

Aum xx

Sugar and spice

... And all things nice. I have recently been granted the opportunity to find out what I'm really made of.

For the first time in my life I am living alone: sharing the house with no-human-body. I'm a little bit happy, a little bit sad and a little bit of a scaredy pants. In due course, however, I guess I will find out who I AM.

I've started a new leg of my journey. In any case I've reset the mileometer to zero as, when I look in my rear-view mirror, I see that I have always put the needs of others before my own. I believe I am going to be selfing - getting in touch with what I want, discovering and owning my hopes and dreams. Mine. You hear that? Mine!

It's early days and I'm not yet bored or lonely, though I do miss eye contact, and it's just not the same when I tickle my own feet. I've got the dog for company and luckily he's happy to share the sofa and have his ears fondled. But, I'm craving human touch so if some wild-eyed female smelling of Christmas catches your eye and asks for a hug, do say hello.

Aum x