Whilst at Camp I found this quotation written in the back of my notebook. The words came from I know not where, and I do not remember inscribing my book. Apologies to the author for the lack of credit...
From the Source
Either generously or objectively
Sparks were given
Either selfishly or altruistically
We can encourage the flame
Own the love
And reflect the light
We are the Source
We are the light
We are the love
Aum x
Sunday 29 August 2010
Ne'kid - the bare bones of Medicine Camp
Further down the A303 after several terse phone calls home (signal-free sat nav, detail-free road atlas, sketchy memory of Google's instructions) I turned off towards Barton St David and the Field of Abundance. Note to self: listen to the inner voice which gives advice (in English accent) to advance on current route for a mile and a half and go the library to print route including waymarkers.
Our number was small, with ten or so assorted canvas structures around the boundary of the camping field. The site did not have abundant facilities, which really was ok. The home fire was kept alight and this provided a place to meet, cook, eat, laugh, chat and chant. I also did a fair amount of shivering and coughing as I am not yet adept at choosing the hot spot, nor the smoke-free zone!
It may not be very natural but I am an ardent watch wearer. Although I can sort of tell what time it is if the sun is showing itself I like to be more precise with my time-keeping. Thus, a 10 o'clock morning meditation starting at 11.30 I found somewhat challenging. At first. I soon settled into slow time and it's a mystery how the week passed so quickly. Oh, apart from the two hours I spent on a vision quest, sitting in the middle of a field... on my own... in the dark. They were hours made of elastic and I'm sure that if I'd not been wearing my trusty timepiece I would have mistakenly returned to my tent after just 20 minutes. I now have no fear of bugs or bats or things that go bump in the night.
The sun, when it managed to burn through the clouds, was hot.
And it rained. A lot.
Most days we were given a teaching. On the Thursday I wanted to leave Camp. I went for a walk, I had a cry and I got over it. The reason? I'd say it was a number of small things adding up to a big thing. In reality it was probably the teaching. Two words (3 if you count the ampersand): Depression & Responsibility. Hmmm I think a nerve had been jangled! RE (Dancing Fox) invited me to journey to the river. He reiterated some of the teaching and surprised me with some character flaws (mine). He was playful and insightful and I'm grateful. I learned so much from the other characters during the week, probably more than from the not-so-formal teachings. Each person and every situation we come across is presented so that we may learn from them.
The way out of Depression:
Do something
Do something for someone else
Create something beautiful
Grow up!
What do I wear for a sweat lodge? I asked SM. No reply, and I'd like to say I heard just a tinkle of polite laughter but Stalking the Bear only does the dirty sort, you know, from deep within the belly. Ok, so I was to enter the lodge naked, stripped of everything except my ego. I could go with that, because it was going to be dark. In fact the whole experience was rather wonderful and I emerged from the womb of the lodge hot, wet and feeling reborn. I gave things away and I took on things new. I felt at ease sitting round the ceremonial fire, unclothed and drying off in the moonlit night. Most of those present had breasts and those that didn't had dangly bits further down. No shame. Nature. The array of shapes and sizes of the female form always fills me with wonder. All are beautiful.
I met some lovely people. I found my voice in the company of others. I'm missing the singing, and the sense of community. I secretly sniff the jumper, still smelling of wood-smoke, that hasn't yet made it into the washing machine.
I'll be back for a second spoon of medicine.
Aum x
ps I really would like a bell tent for my birthday. I've already ordered the fire pit!
Our number was small, with ten or so assorted canvas structures around the boundary of the camping field. The site did not have abundant facilities, which really was ok. The home fire was kept alight and this provided a place to meet, cook, eat, laugh, chat and chant. I also did a fair amount of shivering and coughing as I am not yet adept at choosing the hot spot, nor the smoke-free zone!
It may not be very natural but I am an ardent watch wearer. Although I can sort of tell what time it is if the sun is showing itself I like to be more precise with my time-keeping. Thus, a 10 o'clock morning meditation starting at 11.30 I found somewhat challenging. At first. I soon settled into slow time and it's a mystery how the week passed so quickly. Oh, apart from the two hours I spent on a vision quest, sitting in the middle of a field... on my own... in the dark. They were hours made of elastic and I'm sure that if I'd not been wearing my trusty timepiece I would have mistakenly returned to my tent after just 20 minutes. I now have no fear of bugs or bats or things that go bump in the night.
The sun, when it managed to burn through the clouds, was hot.
And it rained. A lot.
Most days we were given a teaching. On the Thursday I wanted to leave Camp. I went for a walk, I had a cry and I got over it. The reason? I'd say it was a number of small things adding up to a big thing. In reality it was probably the teaching. Two words (3 if you count the ampersand): Depression & Responsibility. Hmmm I think a nerve had been jangled! RE (Dancing Fox) invited me to journey to the river. He reiterated some of the teaching and surprised me with some character flaws (mine). He was playful and insightful and I'm grateful. I learned so much from the other characters during the week, probably more than from the not-so-formal teachings. Each person and every situation we come across is presented so that we may learn from them.
The way out of Depression:
Do something
Do something for someone else
Create something beautiful
Grow up!
What do I wear for a sweat lodge? I asked SM. No reply, and I'd like to say I heard just a tinkle of polite laughter but Stalking the Bear only does the dirty sort, you know, from deep within the belly. Ok, so I was to enter the lodge naked, stripped of everything except my ego. I could go with that, because it was going to be dark. In fact the whole experience was rather wonderful and I emerged from the womb of the lodge hot, wet and feeling reborn. I gave things away and I took on things new. I felt at ease sitting round the ceremonial fire, unclothed and drying off in the moonlit night. Most of those present had breasts and those that didn't had dangly bits further down. No shame. Nature. The array of shapes and sizes of the female form always fills me with wonder. All are beautiful.
I met some lovely people. I found my voice in the company of others. I'm missing the singing, and the sense of community. I secretly sniff the jumper, still smelling of wood-smoke, that hasn't yet made it into the washing machine.
I'll be back for a second spoon of medicine.
Aum x
ps I really would like a bell tent for my birthday. I've already ordered the fire pit!
Saturday 28 August 2010
TV Vamp
I've been to Hampshire, somewhere off the A303 to visit Her Loveliness the NC, a school friend whom I hadn't seen for 19 years. Funny how with some people we can just pick up where we left off, the years and mental age dropping away effortlessly.
I'm sure NC won't mind me saying that she loves television, especially programmes where 80's shoulder pads are evident. I'd forgotten how addictive it is - television, not fashion: if I'm not careful the flickering screen draws my eyes in and with its invisible powers locks them on. Of course we didn't actually watch tv - it was there playing gooseberry to our grape juice (fermented). I obviously let go as I woke up slightly dehyrated(!) and I'm glad, for it was a truly fun evening. And I really did enjoy intentional television watching in the morning, sitting in bed, balancing my breakfast plate on my lap - such a rare treat! I think NC was offering contrast to what she called Hippy Camp, my next port of call.
Onwards to the outskirts of Glastonbury to locate the Dawn Star...
Although NC catered for my diet (thank you) I ate a little wheat whilst at camp, and since. I'm ok with this... for now. I've ordered "Clean" as recommended by NB of integral-dynamic.blogspot.com and I have a healthy lunch date with my new and inspirational friend next month - hurrah!!
Aum xx
I'm sure NC won't mind me saying that she loves television, especially programmes where 80's shoulder pads are evident. I'd forgotten how addictive it is - television, not fashion: if I'm not careful the flickering screen draws my eyes in and with its invisible powers locks them on. Of course we didn't actually watch tv - it was there playing gooseberry to our grape juice (fermented). I obviously let go as I woke up slightly dehyrated(!) and I'm glad, for it was a truly fun evening. And I really did enjoy intentional television watching in the morning, sitting in bed, balancing my breakfast plate on my lap - such a rare treat! I think NC was offering contrast to what she called Hippy Camp, my next port of call.
Onwards to the outskirts of Glastonbury to locate the Dawn Star...
Although NC catered for my diet (thank you) I ate a little wheat whilst at camp, and since. I'm ok with this... for now. I've ordered "Clean" as recommended by NB of integral-dynamic.blogspot.com and I have a healthy lunch date with my new and inspirational friend next month - hurrah!!
Aum xx
Monday 9 August 2010
Outside or Beside Myself?
Am I really creating everything in my world? If so maybe I should get to grips with the basics - please pass the playdough so that I can practice.
Some days I think I am going mad.
I need time to mull this one over...
Aum x
Some days I think I am going mad.
I need time to mull this one over...
Aum x
Wednesday 4 August 2010
Letting Go... (is it safe?)
Given that in my ideal world I am driving my bus, who should drive the minibus of an 8 year old without a licence and not wearing his glasses? When does nurturing become a struggle for control over another? If I chose the lessons I need in this lifetime and am continually creating the life I - perhaps subconsciously - "want", surely the same goes for the small person in my life... So should I even attempt to:
- force him to eat fruit and vegetables having explained the consequences of a poor diet?
- push him (and I mean shove him) into trying new experiences given his preoccupation with " not losing", "failing" or even it "tasting nasty"?
I have a fearful child (he was a bright student of the sleeping mother) and now I wonder how best to teach him what I know, and am still learning. Today I led by example and then struggled to accept his choice not to follow and engage in adventure, daring and fun. I'm sitting with the above questions and find that I'm lacking even one answer.
Should I empower an 8 year old to make his own decisions and then...release my attachment to the outcome? Is an 8 year old even capable of making an informed choice (not one based on animal fear)?
The umbilical cord was cut but surely my job as belayer is not over? As far as knots go, it's a veritable hitch that I'm tying myself in...
Aum xx
- force him to eat fruit and vegetables having explained the consequences of a poor diet?
- push him (and I mean shove him) into trying new experiences given his preoccupation with " not losing", "failing" or even it "tasting nasty"?
I have a fearful child (he was a bright student of the sleeping mother) and now I wonder how best to teach him what I know, and am still learning. Today I led by example and then struggled to accept his choice not to follow and engage in adventure, daring and fun. I'm sitting with the above questions and find that I'm lacking even one answer.
Should I empower an 8 year old to make his own decisions and then...release my attachment to the outcome? Is an 8 year old even capable of making an informed choice (not one based on animal fear)?
The umbilical cord was cut but surely my job as belayer is not over? As far as knots go, it's a veritable hitch that I'm tying myself in...
Aum xx
Sunday 1 August 2010
Fear and Friend (or Foe): LOVE!
Oops, sorry. Was I snoring?
I've certainly been drifting in and out of wakefulness through the past few months and, if I can find a box of matches and prop my eye-lids open for long enough, I'm sure I'll get to the reason why...
This morning following a positive review (thank you Neeta www.neetashealthyplate.com - a luscious and bountiful blog) I felt I had to own up to the fear that keeps me from blogging. So I'm going to stand atop a virtual podium and shout: I'M SCARED - of not being witty enough, light enough, of showing my vulnerability, of being dishonest, of having writer's block, of being boring, darn it OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH! There, it's out. and my laptop hasn't caught alight and I'm still breathing fairly evenly (something I often "forget" to do).
I've recently done my biennial shelf-shuffle/dust and two books that have been cleverly camouflaged and unread on my bookcase, in gratitude, opened themselves up to me and gave me their truth. By name they are "The Celestine Prophecy"(James Redfield) and "Conversations with God" (Neale Donald Walsch) and by george they're good! If I'm honest I feel comforted that I resonate so strongly with the words on their pages, that our collective memory is returning (that I am now, perhaps just in time, choosing to remember).
My understanding is that there exists only two "emotions": love (lightness of being) and - in the absence of love - fear (dense, heavy energy). Feeling bad is a symptom of duality which occurs when I move away from my divine purpose = to love. If I honour myself and others, in thought, word and deed, I attract more love and light into my life, thus making my world spin in a cloudless blue sky :) All You Need Is Lennon & McCartney and Reg Presley Is All Around Me - really quite insightful aren't they?!
Unconscious living includes unconscious eating. Several thousand grams of sunflower oil from bags of Kettle Chips have mysteriously added themselves to my hips. I am still pretty much wheat-free, though I feel that doesn't count for much when I consider the other nutrient-free foods that have entered my body whilst my mind was occupied elsewhere...
1st August and time to sit with my-whole-self once again. As it is written on the silver ring on my little finger: Sa Ta Na Ma - a catalyst for change and a mantra describing the continuous cycle of life and creation. Oh yeah!
I'm glad to be back.
Aum x
I've certainly been drifting in and out of wakefulness through the past few months and, if I can find a box of matches and prop my eye-lids open for long enough, I'm sure I'll get to the reason why...
This morning following a positive review (thank you Neeta www.neetashealthyplate.com - a luscious and bountiful blog) I felt I had to own up to the fear that keeps me from blogging. So I'm going to stand atop a virtual podium and shout: I'M SCARED - of not being witty enough, light enough, of showing my vulnerability, of being dishonest, of having writer's block, of being boring, darn it OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH! There, it's out. and my laptop hasn't caught alight and I'm still breathing fairly evenly (something I often "forget" to do).
I've recently done my biennial shelf-shuffle/dust and two books that have been cleverly camouflaged and unread on my bookcase, in gratitude, opened themselves up to me and gave me their truth. By name they are "The Celestine Prophecy"(James Redfield) and "Conversations with God" (Neale Donald Walsch) and by george they're good! If I'm honest I feel comforted that I resonate so strongly with the words on their pages, that our collective memory is returning (that I am now, perhaps just in time, choosing to remember).
My understanding is that there exists only two "emotions": love (lightness of being) and - in the absence of love - fear (dense, heavy energy). Feeling bad is a symptom of duality which occurs when I move away from my divine purpose = to love. If I honour myself and others, in thought, word and deed, I attract more love and light into my life, thus making my world spin in a cloudless blue sky :) All You Need Is Lennon & McCartney and Reg Presley Is All Around Me - really quite insightful aren't they?!
Unconscious living includes unconscious eating. Several thousand grams of sunflower oil from bags of Kettle Chips have mysteriously added themselves to my hips. I am still pretty much wheat-free, though I feel that doesn't count for much when I consider the other nutrient-free foods that have entered my body whilst my mind was occupied elsewhere...
1st August and time to sit with my-whole-self once again. As it is written on the silver ring on my little finger: Sa Ta Na Ma - a catalyst for change and a mantra describing the continuous cycle of life and creation. Oh yeah!
I'm glad to be back.
Aum x
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