So... after journeying for weeks, nay months, on the long road to the recovery of my self-esteem I finally arrived in a good place. Here the sun shines most of the time and I can hear the birds singing. Actually when I'm merrily (and admittedly sometimes mindlessly, mostly tunelessly) chanting the Gayatri mantra or singing in the car they are barely audible, but I like to think I make up for their lack of volume with my own. I have built up a certain strength on this journey and I'm grateful (to me) for the opportunity to grow those muscles that I exercised so extensively earlier this year.
Some time at the end of the winter of discontent I upgraded my internal flicker of light to the eco equivalent of a 100w bulb. It was at this point along the way that I recognised the scenery and remembered that all I really need to do here on earth is just BE me. I don't need to DO, dare I say it, spiritual activities - whatever they are - in order to prove my worth. If I believe that I am a spiritual being having a human experience then I have done everything by remembering who I AM. The trick is to keep this memory alive and live with courage and total trust in the Universe.
All I need I have in this not so neat little package called me. It helps if someone is around to occasionally wipe a layer of ego dust from the bulb, but seeing as I have never been an accomplished domestic goddess I feel this to be a wholly acceptable shirking of responsibility! I know I'd probably benefit from a daily meditation or yoga practice, but right now I'm not practising anything other than BEING. I am clear in my mind that this is not because I am resisting, which previously has so often be the case, but because I've given myself permission to just let go...
I do indeed feel liberated!
Aum x
Hi Rachael! I totally agree with you. Actually I find it slightly uncomfortable to be with people who all the time go on about their practice of spiritual matters. I don't mind discussing them, as long as we can have our feet firmly planted on the earth. And actually doing, doing, doing becomes a habit and in my mind maybe an easy-to-follow, but rather empty shell of self-glorification. (Not referring to you at all, but being a complementary therapist, I have an abundant source of all types of spiritual people around me).
ReplyDeleteSo, well done and hope that you still practice noticing and being present, just as YOU, lovely you.